Spiritual Direction

I went out to the hinterlands today, also called New Jersey, to meet up with C., a member at my rockin' church, an IV staffer, and a spiritual director.  I had heard her name around church, I'd met her on a couple of occasions, and a few weeks ago I ended up praying with her after church in a really nice, normal sort of way, about a picture I had gotten in prayer.  One thing lead to another and then there I was on the train to meet with her for direction.  It was one of those experiences where I thought this was going to happen months ago, but knew I didn't need to do anything-- it would come to me when the time is right.  Wow, I sound very Yoda-ish there, but its the truth.

It was great to meet with her.  It was relieving to meet with her.  It was great to be in a place with time carved out and to unload on a spiritually discerning person the truth about me right now and know she wasn't going to freak out, worry about me, or give me paint by number instructions about what to do next.  I cried my eyes out, I was articulate, she asked good questions, we kept digging, I got some clarity, I felt relieved and lighter and less a mystery to myself.  A lot of things that I was perceiving as failure was actually growth, albeit painful growth.  Where I am makes sense and how I'm feeling makes sense.   She then gave me some suggestions about how to go about praying in the coming months out of the Ignatian spiritual practices.  I'm looking forward to seeing what comes of it.

Which just leads me to thankfulness.  God is so kind.  What a good gift.