In the Boat

I read Mark 4 about Jesus going out into the boat with his disciples and calming the storm as a Lectio Divina spiritual exercise yesterday.  It was eye opening what came out for me.  I know enough of you who read my blog will appreciate this, so thought I'd post it--

I took the place of a disciple working along side Jesus.  What I noticed is that she worked all day too, and then Jesus, at the end of the day, has her continue working by going over to the other side of the Lake.  He goes and takes a nap, she continues working by sailing the boat.  The storm comes up.  I’m sure she worked really hard trying to keep the boat afloat—she only wakes Jesus up once the boat is about to sink with this panicked expression—Don’t you care if we drown?  Jesus calms the storm, looks at her and says, Why are you afraid?  Have you no faith? 

As I focused on that rebuke I got really angry.  Finally, I took up my side and argued with Jesus—that’s unfair.  What do you mean I don’t have faith?  I have faith enough to work all day with you, get into this boat with you.  That’s just mean.  The storm comes up.  I have faith and I work hard, trusting that you will ride me through the storm.  What was I supposed to do?

What should the disciple have done?  How was she to exercise her faith? 

I am certain that a biblical scholar would find fault with my conclusion, but the point here is not to be biblically accurate, it's to insert yourself into the story and see what Jesus is saying to you.   I finally came to the conclusion that she should have woken Jesus up a lot earlier.  And said to him, LORD, there’s a storm brewing.  I need to be honest with you—I'm scared.  Please help me.

Jesus is saying to me, Joanna, wake me up, sit at my feet, and tell me what's the matter.   I have an open invitation from Jesus to not keep the things that are weighing me down to myself, but take them to him with the expectation (which is the key here) that He is listening and can and will help me in a meaningful way.  I need to wake Jesus up, be honest about my need, and say, can we take a look at all of this?  So I started.